"Vermilion Computer Language Translation"
"Rural Computer Lingo"

Log On -
Makin' the wood stove hotter.

Log Off -
Don't add any more wood.

Monitor -
Keep an eye on the wood stove.

Download -
Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz -
When yer not careful downloadin' (watch th' toes!).

Floppy Disk -
Whatcha get from pilin' too much firewood.

Disk Operating System -
The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.

The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.

Hard Drive -
Gettin' home in a snow storm.

Prompt -
What you wish the mail was in a snow storm.

Windows -
What to shut when it's 30 below.

Screen -
What you need for black fly season.

Byte -
What black flies do.

Chip -
What to munch on.

Micro Chip -
What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.

Infrared -
Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.

Modem -
What you did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix -
John Matrix's wife.

Printer -
Someone who can't write in cursive.

Lap Top -
Where little kids feel comfy.

Keyboard -
Where you hang your keys.

Software -
Them plastic eatin' utensils.

486 -
One of them fancy imported cars.

Mouse -
What eats the horses' grain in the barn.

Main Frame -
The part of the barn that holds the roof up.

Port -
Fancy wine.

Enter -
C'mon in!

Random Access Memory -
When you suddenly can't remember how much that new rifle costs when your wife asks.

Digital -
Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.

Apple -
If you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'.

Program -
What's on the TV when there's reception.

The place in the bank where they sell retirement accounts.

(sent along by Jack Payne, author unknown - June,1997)