"Vermilion Computer Language Translation"
"Rural Computer Lingo"
Log On -
Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off -
Don't add any more wood.
Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz -
When yer not careful downloadin' (watch th' toes!).
Floppy Disk -
Whatcha get from pilin' too much firewood.
Disk Operating System -
The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.
The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Hard Drive -
Gettin' home in a snow storm.
What you wish the mail was in a snow storm.
What to shut when it's 30 below.
What you need for black fly season.
What black flies do.
What to munch on.
Micro Chip -
What's left in the bag when the chips are gone.
Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.
What you did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix -
John Matrix's wife.
Someone who can't write in cursive.
Lap Top -
Where little kids feel comfy.
Where you hang your keys.
Them plastic eatin' utensils.
One of them fancy imported cars.
What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
Main Frame -
The part of the barn that holds the roof up.
Random Access Memory -
When you suddenly can't remember how much that new
rifle costs when your wife asks.
Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock.
If you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'.
What's on the TV when there's reception.
CD ROM -
The place in the bank where they sell retirement accounts.
(sent along by Jack Payne, author unknown - June,1997)